When I read this the other day it intrigued me…partly because I knew immediately at that moment what my warning label would say…WORN OUT. That particular day I was just plain warn out physically and emotionally. This recovery stuff is hard work! It's exhausting physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. It is taking a lot out of me and it is taking pieces from every part of my life.
Today I have refined my warning label to read…BROKEN - PROCEED WITH CARE…UNDER CONSTRUCTION EXPECT HARD WORK AND SACRIFICE AHEAD. That's what my warning label would say today. It really hit me the last couple of days what hard work and sacrifice I am faced with if I truly want to recover from this trauma.
I have been sacrificing a lot of my personal time and attention to focus on my recovery. What that means for me is that I haven't been reading much of anything except recovery information. I haven't had time to watch hardly any TV. I have even missed my book clubs for two months because I just haven't had the time or energy to read the book and carry on a conversation about it. My entire focus has been on recovery from Betrayal Trauma and Compulsive Overeating. I have been so focused that my brain is becoming saturated with facts and figures, determination to succeed, thoughts about what I want to write about, bottom lines, boundaries and ways to support my fellow WoPAs. I have become a bit obsessed with recovery…it's time to take a step back a little.
I am going to book club (both of them) this month. I am attempting to read the books (although I'm not really sure I can stomach 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands' which is the book in one of my book clubs). I am going to dinner with a friend that is not a WoPA and talking about stuff unrelated to recovery. I am going to enjoy watching The Cosby Show with my family and Signed, Sealed, Delivered with myself. I am going to learn how to harness my anxiety a little better with meditation and breathing exercises. I'm going to work on my home and some projects I want to do there. I am still going to work on recovery very diligently, but I am going to try and not let it consume me.
I would love some suggestions about how to balance my life and my recovery work. I would love to know what any of you out there do to manage the load.
Breathing more and reacting less is my commitment this week, so that means I'm going to breathe in the good shit and breathe out the bullshit. Pardon my poor language but I read that and decided it fit what I want to do.
Breathing more,
T.
P.S. I have to add an addendum to this post because I have been lead by the hand tonight. Earlier I was talking with my Relief Society President about how we all carry burdens and that we should treat each other accordingly. Then when I wen to read one of my favorite blogs , I read this about signs and linked to this post about signs as well. What would happen if we each wore a sign? What if the scars on the inside were visible on the outside? How would we treat each other? What would we do differently?
