Scary Things

Today was a day of doing scary things…well scary to me in that it required vulnerability greater than I felt I was up to. Heavenly Father knew I could do it…but I had to be kicked pretty hard to get me there.

I'll start off by saying, I'm not generally shy about sharing my testimony (my faith, belief and knowledge of the truths I believe in for those of you out there that have either never heard of or understood that term before). Today was Fast Sunday (a day every month where we fast in order to bring ourselves closer to Heavenly Father and then we are able to share our testimony during our services), but I wasn't going to share my testimony as I have shared it a lot lately and our ward is huge so I felt someone else needed the time. However, during the Sacrament I KNEW I had to get up, and not only did I have to get up but He had specific things I needed to bear witness of. I was the first one up and my testimony was super short, but it was exactly what He knew I needed to say.

I wrote in my journal as soon as I sat down, and I would like to share that with you here.

"Tender mercies of the Lord surround me. I don't know how I would've made it through with out those tender mercies. He KNOWS me, He LOVES me, He GUIDES me and He is AVAILABLE to me. He has placed people in my life that I never would've otherwise met. These amazing women have taught me through example how to have faith and hope. These women have supported me and have given me the opportunity to support them. They have cried with me and have let me grieve with them. They have let me help hold their heartache and they have helped hold mine.

I have been given the opportunity to share my story so that someone else will know that they are not alone. They don't have to suffer in silence because there are others that understand and won't judge.

I won't say that I am grateful for my trial but I do acknowledge that I probably would not have found the strength I have in my faith without these trials. I am very grateful for the strength I have received. My faith and testimony are stronger than I can remember them being in a long, long time. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me. I know he cherishes me. He strengthens me. He answers my prayers. He blesses me beyond measure. I am loved."

My heart is just overflowing with the knowledge that I am loved by my Lord and that He watches out for me. I am blessed beyond measure with the outpouring of the love He has for me. A friend described His love as being tangible during an impossible situation today. That is exactly how I felt today, His hand was tangible in my life today.

The second scary thing He prompted me to do today was to be vulnerable to one of my favorite people in my ward. She is someone I truly admire. I shared a post from my blog with here back in the first part of December and had never heard from her. I felt the overwhelming nudge to ask her if she had seen it. She has and she hadn't responded because she didn't know how to say what she wanted to. I still don't know why I was prompted to share it with her in the first place, but we are going to dinner this week to talk. I am nervous, excited and scared all at once. It is so scary to just simply own my story for what it is and not carry that shame anymore…but I feel a tiny bit lighter each time I do.

My eyes won't stay open any longer tonight, but I have more great things to share about, so hopefully I will remember to tell you about them later.

Being brave,

T.