I told you to remind me to tell you about the addict yesterday. I decided to write this to be published today so you wouldn't have to remind me. I didn't want to publish it yesterday, because two posts was bad enough, but three seemed over-the-top. I know I am writing to help in my own healing and by writing this tonight it is accomplishing that. I also hope every.single.day that something I write might be used to help another person. To have that wish happen, I can't bury you in posts.
Two weeks ago in LifeStar we had a guest couple come speak. The talked about their recovery journey. I will paraphrase what the wife said because it was so powerful to me. She called the person that has this addiction "His Addict" as in a separate being from her husband. She said it really helps her separate the addiction from her husband as the two separate beings that they are. She also said she has a healthy respect for that being and the power it has. It really hit me.
For so long I have seen B as inseparable form his addiction. It was part of the hopelessness I lived with. He would forever have this addiction whether he was actively living in it or not. I still believe that but with a caveat. I believe that this addiction is a separate being from my husband, I frequently have to remind myself of this fact, but I do believe it. That's the caveat. While B will always have to live with The Addict, it is separate from him and the man he is becoming.
B loves to learn about the science and effects of pornography addiction. It helps him. What helps me is recognizing The Addict and his pull on B. Like the wife that spoke to us said she has a healthy respect for that being, so do I. I respect the amount of power that being holds. I respect the amount of influence that being holds. I also fear the pull of that being some days. I REFUSE to live in fear anymore!
In separating The Addict from B in my mind and in my heart, it allows further healing to take place. Healing is good. Healing is what I seek after. Healing is what my heart and soul need.
Respectively,
T.
It feels better knowing you are taking a stand against the addict when you have to. In some ways it's even like your fighting for the real man when you tell the addict that things are not okay. Like your explanation of the separation.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. It's like I'm fighting too see who that man is without The Addict always being around! I am loving the man I am seeing when I can separate them out!
DeleteI love following your blog because I can sense the progress that is being made. I love real people that can shine the light on their imperfections and problems. I believe that you are on the path to a very happy marriage because of the progress you and B are making with genuineness and openness.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I feel like progress is being made and I love being able to write about it. I hope you stay with us for our journey, because we need all the support we can get! Your comment means a lot!
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