Survival Mode

This was a very productive weekend. I was a little apprehensive because we had very ambitious plans and that is often a recipe for disappointment around here. We got a lot accomplished though. B. finished a project that I have been wanting done for over a year! I don't normally post personal pictures here (to protect our anonymity), but I was so thrilled with how these shelves turned out that I just had to share. These are on the wall right next to the desk in our office space. All the canisters and containers have office supplies in them. I need a couple more baskets or boxes for paper but even if that doesn't happen, I LOVE THEM!

The other thing we got accomplished was cleaning out our closet. It's almost done anyway, a couple of shelves left to organize and my jewelry to put away and it's done. It was my commitment for the week to my LifeStar group. I'm not going to post a picture of that here. I'll be honest, it is embarrassing and causes some shame, it was THAT bad.

What does this all have to do with the title of the post…survival mode? Because while we were dejunking and editing, building and organizing, it made me realize just how much has gone undone since we moved into our home three-and-a-half years ago. I'll be frank, some of the junk has been piled up and unorganized since BEFORE we moved into our house.  I was contemplating this and it hit me, I have been living in survival mode for YEARS. All I was doing was just enough to get from day to day and accomplish enough to survive.

I didn't realize that I had been just barely getting by for so long. It wasn't until this weekend that I realized that not only am I doing a much better job of keeping up with the day to day things, but I am also getting projects and catch-up done. I'm no longer just surviving! I wanted to do a touchdown dance!

That is not to say that some days aren't rough and sometimes I have to revert back to survival mode. The trauma just gets to be too much for me and I have to revert. Those days are much farther apart than they used to be and I have tools in place to help me get through them. I really am making progress.

The other a-ha moment this weekend was about B. He helped me (a lot) with the closet and he researched, designed, bought the supplies for (with the exception of the reclaimed wood as I already had that), and completed the shelves start to finish in just a few hours. When I sent a picture to one of my friends she said, "I didn't know he was so talented!" I replied, "Neither did he, but I did!"

This is the man that is under this addiction. He is kind and thoughtful. He is talented and artistic. He can see the beauty in items that have history. He is methodical when working on a project. He is determined when he has a serious goal in mind. When our son got a headache tonight and threw-up all over his bedroom, B. cleaned most of it up (and for this I am profoundly grateful)! This is the man I know is is in there. This is the man I am learning to fall in love with.

If you are in survival mode, know that there is hope. Even if your spouse doesn't seek recovery, you can. You can learn how to do more than survive, you can find the strength and determination to have control over your life, instead of your life having control over you. It takes work and determination and a whole lot of help from On High, but it is attainable. Don't give up hope. If you want encouragement or a listening ear, email me at awifeprogressing(at)gmail(dot)com.

Not just surviving,

T.