Milestone Moments

This may boarder on revealing to much about who we are, but it won't leave my mind because there was so much emotion involved, so I will share.  

We spent the weekend with my husband's entire immediate family. As children and children-in-law we threw my in-laws a Golden Wedding Anniversary party. It was stressful, but it turned out so amazing and they (who DO NOT like to be the center of attention) were so happy and had so much fun, it made it all worth it. My in-laws deserve to be honored, I think anyone who gets to 50 years of marriage deserves to be honored, it's an achievement…at least in my book it is.

The main emotions leading up to this event were stress, resentment, stress, excitement, stress, anger, stress and finally a feeling of accomplishment. I tend to stress about pulling off things like this because I inevitably over plan and under schedule. What I mean is that I over plan things that I think I can get done and under schedule time to get said tasks accomplished. This party was no exception. Resentment at anyone (especially my husband) who I felt wasn't pulling their load in getting ready for the party. Excitement at the prospect of being able to see the family and honor my in-laws. Anger, or more accurately frustration, at my husband's lack of participation in getting ready for the party, especially on the day of the party (these are HIS parents after all). Once it was all prepped and ready to go I had a feeling of accomplishment knowing that we had done everything we could and that it looked like it was going to be great.

The party was a huge hit and everyone had a lot of fun. My in-laws were touched by all the people that came and all the preparation we had done. It was just enough. My in-laws don't like being the center of attention, especially my mother-in-law, so they didn't want anything super fancy and we were able to find a theme and plan a party that was just enough to honor them without embarrassing them. 

The two overriding emotions by far for me this weekend were frustration/anger followed distantly by hope. I was so angry and frustrated with my husband because I felt he thought this was a vacation for him (we were away from home) and that whatever he needed and wanted to do should come first. The morning started off good but quickly went downhill.  He wasn't there to help when he should've been and I was upset. I know part of that is what I have seen in him for a long time, the pornography addiction has made him into a very self-centered and selfish person, and part of it is his built-in lack of awareness to what goes on around him sometimes (he has always had trouble being aware of what is going on and being able to just jump in where there is a need…but that's a whole other topic). It was no secret, to anyone, that I was pissed-off at him (I hate that phrase but it is the only one that adequately describes my mood at the time). I have calmed down today and have been trying to focus on the good things he did to help. 

The smallish part of me that felt hopeful is trying to fight it's way out. "B" did things to help get ready for the party at the end of last week that I have NEVER seen him do before. And he did it without complaint. I am so appreciative of that. He also did most of the driving, he always does most of the driving, which I more than appreciate because I HATE to drive, especially long distances. He never complains when I have to make frequent potty stops, which is always nice since I have a pea sized bladder and to be complained at on top of that, would only make it worse. I saw my in-laws this weekend, and despite the flaws that I see in their relationship (which I notice in any relationship close to me, even when I try not to), they have been married for 50 years, yes FIFTY YEARS people, FIFTY! That is a heck of an accomplishment. In another 30+ years I want my kids to be able to throw us a Golden Anniversary party. I want to make it to fifty years. I want to make it to eternity!

At the risk of losing some of our anonymity by sharing this story, it needed to be told. I needed to tell it. So thank you for tuning in.

With a margin of hope,

T.