Step 3 and the Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I had a post written that I was very happy with, then I accidentally pasted something over it and clicked out of it…poof…it was gone. I tried to recover it, but alas I am not that techno savvy, and it seemed much less a waste of my time to simply rewrite it. I hope I can remember what I wanted to say, sometimes once the words are out there that's all I have in me.

Anyone who has ever attended a 12 Step meeting of any kind knows the prayer above. Likely many who have not attended a 12 Step meeting know it as well. This prayer is part of Step 3, Trusting in God. This is a step that I struggle with but tonight a lot of it became much more clear.  

B and I attended a meeting tonight and brought a friend with us. We were talking about Step 3. As we were taking turns reading from the manual, this sentence really struck me, "At first our efforts were anxious and halting. We kept giving the Lord our trust and then taking it back." This is where I am, this constant struggle within myself to turn my life over to Him and to let him lead me the way I need to go. Some days it's really easy to say, "I'm your's, do with me what is best." Other days, not so much. Sometimes it's even a battle from one minute to the next. The way I see it, every minute that I let Him lead me is one more minute than I had done so before.

As I was listening to others read and share I was really surprised by another seed of knowledge that was planted tonight. I have focused for so many years on how B's addiction was destroying our  marriage and home and that is something that I CANNOT change. What? I can't change him? I can't FORCE him to change? Who says? Oh wait, I remember, it's something that I have been trying to change for years, and I haven't managed it yet, maybe it's time to turn that over to Him and trust that as B seeks his recovery that Heavenly Father will guide him. 

I need to focus on the things I CAN change. I CAN change my actions, I CAN change how I treat B, I CAN change my own behaviors and I CAN change the spirit in my home by turning my will over to Him to guide me where I should go. This doesn't mean that B gets a "free pass" and that I am willing to accept him acting out on his addiction, it just means that I am acknowledging that I am POWERLESS to change him. I can only trust that my Father in Heaven will guide me to know how to best help myself and my family. I CAN turn my will over to Him and let him help us heal our family.

In our faith we tend to only use a handful of rote prayers, our prayers are usually more freely spoken and not scripted. However, the prayer above is one I intend to pray every day to my Heavenly Father, to incorporate it into my daily prayers. Please, Father in Heaven help me to focus on the things I CAN change and move past the things that I CANNOT change. Help me to know the difference between the two.

Humbly,

T.